Ah, the acrid whiff of self-immolation at No.10 – like a politician's career going up in flames while he fans the bellows with his own ego. Just days before the Autumn Budget bonanza on 26 November, Keir Starmer's camp has unleashed a torrent of chaos by briefing the press that Health Secretary Wes Streeting is the ringleader of a dastardly plot to shove the PM out on his ear. It's not subtle: anonymous No.10 spinners whispering sweet nothings about leadership bids, all to paint Streeting as the Iago to Starmer's Othello. But here's the rub – in a move straight out of the Keystone Cops playbook, this finger-pointing frenzy has only poured petrol on the pyre, turning Labour's frontbench into a circular firing squad. Self-immolation? Mate, this is a full-on Viking funeral for Starmer's authority.
Don't take my word for it; the headlines are screaming louder than a backbencher at PMQs. Streeting, bless his cotton socks, has laughed it off like a pro – denying any coup chatter with a zinger on Sky News: "Nor did I shoot JFK, I don't know where Lord Lucan is." He's not just batting away the mud; he's demanding heads on pikes, calling for sackings in Downing Street over this "toxic culture" of briefings that smack of desperation. "Self-defeating," he calls it, and he's bang on – Starmer's allies thought they'd kneecap a rival, but they've only succeeded in making the PM look like a paranoid prefect lashing out at shadows. The result? A civil war that's got the Tory benches rubbing their hands like Uriah Heep at a bankruptcy sale. Kemi Badenoch's already sharpening her knives for PMQs today, while Nigel Farage tweets from the sidelines: "Labour in meltdown – pass the popcorn."
And if you thought the plot whispers were the height of farce, strap in: yesterday, 11 November, some enterprising soul registered a shiny new website – WesForLeader.co.uk – dedicated to crowning Streeting as the next Labour messiah. It's got all the trimmings: pledges for "bold reform," digs at "stale leadership," and a mailing list that's probably filling up faster than a leaky roof in a Welsh downpour. Coincidence? Pull the other one. Whether it's Streeting's mates or just a mischievous troll, the timing is impeccable – or catastrophic, depending on which side of the red rosette you're on. Either way, it's a neon sign flashing "Starmer's on borrowed time," turning what should have been a quiet pre-budget huddle into a full-blown Westminster soap opera. The Independent's calling it a "leadership on the brink," and even the BBC – yes, that impartial beacon – is framing Streeting's denials as "deep anxiety" in the ranks.
Let's break down this bonfire, shall we? Here's a quick timeline of Starmer's self-sabotage, because nothing says "stable government" like your own team leaking like the Titanic:
| Date/Event | The Cock-Up | The Fallout |
|---|---|---|
| Early Nov 2025 | Budget jitters hit fever pitch; whispers of tax hikes and NHS cuts leak like a sieve. | Backbenchers mutter about "betrayal" – Starmer's 179-seat majority starts feeling like a paper tiger. |
| 10 Nov 2025 | No.10 briefers go rogue: "Streeting's eyeing a post-budget leadership bid!" | Streeting's camp erupts; allies like Angela Rayner reportedly side-eye the PM's paranoia. |
| 11 Nov 2025 | "Wes for Leader" site launches amid the melee – pledges "real change" without the "Starmer stutter." | Pundits pile on: Reuters calls it "unnamed allies' panic," Guardian dubs it a "widening rift." |
| 12 Nov 2025 (Today) | Streeting on the telly: "Sack the lot – this is Celebrity Traitors, not government." | PMQs looms like a storm cloud; Starmer's approval ratings sink faster than a dodgy expense claim. |
This isn't leadership; it's a masterclass in how to alienate your own side while handing ammunition to the opposition. Starmer rode in on a wave of "change" last July, promising competence over chaos – remember that? Now, with the economy wobbling and winter fuel payments turning into a granny-mugging scandal, he's reduced to blaming underlings for his own tin ear. Streeting, for all his Blairite polish, at least talks a good game on NHS reform – polls have him as the public's "most fanciable" cabinet minister, for heaven's sake. By fingering him as the villain, Starmer's not just torching bridges; he's dynamiting the whole bloody marina.
If you're as knackered by this Labour psychodrama as I am, time to crack open a tome that lays bare the Westminster snake pit. Ian Dunt's How Westminster Works . . . and Why It Doesn't is the scalpel to this festering boil – a no-holds-barred dissection of why our politics is a "toxic swamp" of plots and posturing. It's got more zingers than a Streeting soundbite, and it'll arm you for the next round of red-on-red carnage. Grab it on Amazon right here (affiliate link – because exposing PalArses shouldn't leave you out of pocket).
Or, for a historical parallel to Starmer's woes, Chris Mullin's A Very British Coup – the thriller that predicted it all, from backroom betrayals to leadership lurches. It's fiction, but feels like yesterday's news. Snag your copy via this link (yep, affiliate – clicks fuel the fire).
Starmer's self-immolation might amuse from afar, but it's our taxes funding this circus. Wes for leader? Maybe – or maybe it's just the spark that lights the whole powder keg. What say you? Is Keir for the chop, or will he limp on like a zombie clause in a bad contract? Spill in the comments – let's keep the PalArse roasting.
Ken Frost, chief arsonist at PalArse and the Ken Frost syndicate. More madness at www.kenfrost.net.
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