Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practise to deceive – or, in the case of Labour's housing high command, when we rent out a few spare rooms without the proper paperwork. Ladies and gentlemen of the great British public, gather round for another episode in the endless soap opera of Corruption Street, where the red rosettes of righteousness flap in the wind until the merest whiff of accountability blows them away. This time, the spotlight falls on Michael Situ, Labour's erstwhile Cabinet Member for Housing at Southwark Council – a man who preached zero tolerance for unlicensed landlords from his Peckham pulpit, only to scurry from office with his tail between his legs when it turned out his own rental empire was as paper-thin as a Starmer promise.
Let's rewind the tape, shall we? Back in the balmy days of summer 2024, our Chancellor of the Exchequer, Rachel Reeves – you know, the one who lectures us all on fiscal prudence while eyeing up our wallets like a fox in a henhouse – decided to play musical chairs with her family home in Dulwich. Out she popped to No. 11 Downing Street, and in came the tenants, all without the pesky formality of a selective licence under Southwark's iron-fisted housing scheme. Breach of rules? Tick. Potential fine up to £30,000 or prosecution? Double tick. But did the long arm of the law – or at least Southwark's clipboard-wielding enforcers – come knocking? Not a sausage. Why? Because Situ, as chair of the housing committee, oversaw a council that suddenly discovered a hitherto unknown doctrine of "elite exemption". Zero tolerance for the little people, it seems, but a polite nod and a wink for the woman holding the nation's purse strings.
Fast forward to last month, and the Reeves rumpus erupts into full tabloid technicolour. Apologies fly thicker than confetti at a Labour conference – Reeves scribbles a "sincere" note to Sir Keir, who, in a move that shocked precisely no one, declares it "sufficient resolution". No investigation. No slap on the wrist. Just a collective shrug from the Southwark suits, with Situ at the helm, vetoing any whiff of prosecution faster than you can say "two-tier Keir". One might almost admire the chutzpah, if it weren't so rotten to the core. Here was a council – Labour-run, no less – that had spent years hammering small-time landlords with threats of court and closure, all under the banner of "protecting vulnerable tenants". Yet when the culprit is the architect of the biggest tax raid since Gordon Brown's glory days, suddenly the rulebook's just a suggestion.
And lo, the irony thickens like clotted cream on a scone of scandal. Just weeks after shielding his party's golden girl, it transpires that Situ's own portfolio of two Peckham buy-to-lets had been operating in splendid, unlicensed anarchy. Blame the letting agent, he cries – a classic deflection worthy of a Blair autobiography. "It has come to my attention," he bleats in his resignation statement, as if this were some Agatha Christie plot twist rather than a straightforward cock-up of his own making. The agent's accounts in arrears? Council tax dodging? All on his watch? Tut-tut, Michael. But fear not, the man's taken "full responsibility" – by which he means scarpering from cabinet with immediate effect, lest his "oversight" distract from the "critical work" of... well, presumably, more selective enforcement.
Cue the howls from the opposition benches, and rightly so. Shadow Housing Minister David Simmonds nails it: "It beggars belief that Labour’s cabinet member for housing... has resigned for failing to obtain the correct licence... just weeks after the Rachel Reeves saga. This raises serious questions about why one standard applies to Cllr Situ, while another seems to apply to the Chancellor." Reform UK's Lee Anderson piles on with the unvarnished truth: "This is classic two-tier justice from Labour. One rule for those who sit around the Cabinet table and another for those lower down the pecking order." Even the Tories chime in, demanding Reeves' head on a pike for breaching the Ministerial Code. But we all know how that ends: with Starmer fiddling while Westminster burns.
This isn't just one bad apple in the Labour barrel; it's the whole rotten orchard. Situ's swift exit – noble on the surface, self-serving underneath – exposes the yawning chasm between Labour's pious posturing on housing and the grubby reality of protecting their own. Southwark Council, under red control for donkey's years, has form on this: aggressive licensing schemes that snare honest folk in red tape while the elite glide by unscathed. And Reeves? Her "inadvertent error" (as if ignorance is bliss when you're paid to know better) comes hot on the heels of a Budget that squeezed every last penny from renters and landlords alike. Pot, kettle, anyone?
So, what now? Will Southwark's licensing zealots finally apply their zero-tolerance balm to the Chancellor's doorstep? Will Starmer grow a spine and demand the same "integrity" from his frontbench that he exacted from a mere councillor? Or will this be filed under "lessons learned" alongside Partygate excuses and winter fuel fiascos? Don't hold your breath, dear reader. Labour's corruption carousel spins on, ejecting the expendables while the VIPs cling to their seats.
Iif you're a landlord navigating this minefield, The Essential Guide to UK Landlord Licensing will keep you one step ahead of the Situ-style surprises buy it here. Knowledge is power – and in these dark days, it's the least we can do.
Stay vigilant, folks. The PalArse of Westminster never sleeps.
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