Ah, dear readers of the PalArse, gather round the dying embers of British justice while I pour another round of righteous bile. Just when you thought Keir Starmer's Labour circus had plumbed the depths with their £22 billion fibs and TikTok two-facedness, along comes this fresh turd polished to a peerage: the appointment of Baroness Anne Longfield of Brooklands – yes, that Anne Longfield – as chair of the national grooming gangs inquiry. It's not just tone-deaf; it's a deliberate middle finger to every victim, every taxpayer, and every shred of decency left in this sceptred isle. In the immortal words of our Shakespearean spinners, oh what a tangled web of Westminster wankery Starmer doth weave.
Let's rewind to spring 2015, mere weeks into Longfield's gig as Children's Commissioner for England. This wasn't some wide-eyed do-gooder; no, she was already engineering a shameless abuse of public funds that would embarrass even the most cynical Whitehall operator. Her close associate – and deputy, no less – Sue Berelowitz was granted an inflated £134,000 redundancy payout, well beyond statutory norms, only to be rehired the next day via her freshly incorporated firm at £1,000 per diem. That's potentially £180,000 annually for part-time duties, dear hearts. Bypassing mandatory ministerial oversight for contracts over £20,000, the deal reeked of cronyism and tax evasion, funnelling payments through a limited company to dodge National Insurance. Exposed by The Times, it collapsed amid DFE condemnation, forcing a £10,000 repayment to the Treasury. Longfield's limp defence of "good faith" fooled no one – least of all the survivors now gagging at her elevation.
Fast-forward a decade to autumn 2025, and Sir Keir Starmer bestows a life peerage upon this architect of fiscal impropriety, dubbing her Baroness Longfield of Brooklands, before swiftly slotting her into the chair of an inquiry demanding unflinching impartiality. Her nominal resignation of the Labour whip does little to dispel the stench of bias, given her long-standing Labour connections and friendships within the party – not least with Harriet Harman, her very good friend and veteran Labour MP who has long praised Longfield's work as "such a great gleaner of all the information" that shapes Labour policy on children. Gleaner? More like a magpie nicking shiny baubles from the public purse while the real foxes guard the henhouse.
And oh, the scandals don't stop at dodgy payouts. Dive into the X-verse, where Joe Rich (@joerichlaw) nails it like a hammer to the thumb of truth: Longfield and Berelowitz cooked up one of 2015's biggest scandals in child protection, a whitewash so egregious it makes Rotherham look like an open book. Survivors are already reeling from the scrapping of their advisory panel, decrying this as a "disgusting" whitewash, with critics branding it a £64 million exercise in Labour marking its own homework. As one X reply thunders: "It is pretty obvious that Starmer ennobled this woman so he could appoint her to lead the grooming gang inquiry and limit its scope and findings. The Labour Party is up to its neck in the cover up and Starmer wants to cover this up too." Spot on – and echoed in the chorus of outrage: "The peacocking dictator is a sanctimonious boor who is literally taking the proverbial piss out of every single victim!" from @CathyMo41926708, or @Fortyplus4's plea: "Read the right hand page first. It absolutely stinks. Get someone from abroad... #Liebour are marking their own homework here."
That Starmer would entrust this inquiry – meant as a reckoning for institutional failures – to a figure tainted by such grubby deal-making is not merely inexplicable; it is a grotesque betrayal of victims, taxpayers, and justice itself. In Labour's Britain, evidently, probity is optional, and loyalty trumps all. Survivors howl for names, for accountability; instead, they get a peerage parade and a probe primed for prevarication. No open files, no forensic fury – just another backdoor euthanasia of truth, saving a few bob on real scrutiny while the grooming gangs' shadows lengthen unchecked.
This isn't oversight, comrades; it's orchestration. Labour has zero intention of an open and honest inquiry – why else nobble a Labour loyalist with a rap sheet longer than a Maxwell ledger? Starmer's sanctimonious sons of tools are eviscerating justice faster than they culled winter fuel payments, all to shield their own. Demand better, or watch the PalArse descend into full farce. Contact your MP, flood the feeds – or we'll all be wiping Westminster's collective arse next.
Amazon Suggestions for the Disgusted Reader:
- The Spider: Inside the Criminal Web of Jeffrey Epstein and Ghislaine Maxwell by Barry Levine – because if Longfield's cronies remind you of anything, it's elite enablers dodging the noose.
- Stasi State or Socialist Paradise?: Short Stories of East Germany by Woodrow Hamilton – a timely reminder that surveillance and scandals start with "good faith" cover-ups.
- The Strange Death of Europe: Immigration, Identity, Islam by Douglas Murray – for the grooming gangs context Labour so desperately wants buried.
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