Advice To MPs

Food banks are no laughing matter!

Advice To Politicians

Don't hang on to the coat tails of the recently departed.

Tories Try To Erase History

In a bizarre and Orwellian attempt to erase history the Tory party has tried to delete its speeches and policies of the last 10 years from the internet.

As per ComputerWeekly:

"The Conservative Party has attempted to erase a 10-year backlog of speeches from the internet, including pledges for a new kind of transparent politics the prime minister and chancellor made when they were campaigning for election.

Prime minister David Cameron and chancellor George Osborne campaigned on a promise to democratise information held by those in power, so people could hold them to account. They wanted to use the internet transform politics.

But the Conservative Party has removed the archive from its public facing website, erasing records of speeches and press releases going back to the year 2000 and up until it was elected in May 2010.

It also struck the record of their past speeches off internet engines including Google, which had been a role model for Cameron and Osborne's "open source politics".

And it erased the official record of their speeches from the Internet Archive, the public record of the net."

In one massively misjudged move, the Tory party has focused everyone's attention on its past rather on the country's present/future. How can that possibly benefit the Tories?

Advice To David Cameron

Slagging off Blue Peter, by associating it in a derogatory manner with Miliband's economic policies (or lack thereof), was a mistake given the positive image and "brand value" of Blue Peter in many people's minds.

Huhnegate

It appears that Chris Huhne is trying to blame the media for his speeding in 2003 and for perverting the course of justice.

How can one ever trust a politician if they never accept responsibility for their own actions?

The "Special Relationship"

Those who are paranoid about the demise of the so called "special relationship" between the USA and the UK, especially in the light of last night's defeat of the British government's plans to launch punitive strikes with the US against Syria, should have no fears.

The "special relationship" is only ever invoked by the USA or UK when one or both governments wants something from the other or the people of those two nations (usually backing for a war). On other occasions, non military, it is rarely invoked or used for emotional blackmail.

The UK gave no direct military backing to the USA during Vietnam, and the US gave no support to the UK during Suez; yet the "special relationship", or rather the invocation of the "special relationship", has continued.

Poor Old Mr Ed

The Huffington Post states that No 10 and the Foreign Office think Ed Miliband is a fucking c**t and a copper-bottomed shit.

Advice To David Cameron

Planning for defeat (ie a coalition) will guarantee defeat.

Prescon 5

I see that Labour has woken up to the fact that Prescott has gone critical and has reached Prescon 5.

May God have mercy on their souls!

Poor Mr Ed

Poor old Ed, 63% of people simply do not like him.

If only there was another Miliband who was more popular and charismatic...oh, hang on a minute....

Bryantgate

I see that Chris Bryant has adopted a policy of English jobs for English people, odd that given that his party believes in free movement of labour within the EU.

Advice To Swedish MPs

Delete any photographs that you may have of your genitals, before posting pictures from your camera on the internet.

MPs' Child Expenses

According to the Telegraph MPs insist that the necessity to have two bases means that they must be compensated for the costs associated with their children.

Errmm, why is that MPs deserve special treatment when this is not the case for non parliamentarians who are working in another part of the country or abroad?

Advice To Andrew Selous

Lean to speak Engleesh before you tell others how it is spoke!

Advice To Tory Ministers

Don't dance on tables!

Tory Family Values?

Oh dear, when will MPs learn that if they insist on telling us how to live our lives they really ought to practice what they preach themselves?

Hello Young Lovers Whoever You Are

Mercer Resigns Tory Whip

Patrick Mercer has just resigned the Tory whip, he will stand down as an MP at the next election.

Advice To David Cameron

Beware the bear at the corner of the street who claims he doesn't mind whether you step on the cracks or not!

Advice To Ed Miliband

Don't castigate companies for legally reducing their tax bills, when you yourself use the law to minimise your tax bill!

Swivelgate

As the ongoing fuss over the alleged "swivel eyed loons" comment made in reference to Tory activists continues, the media and politicians would be well advised to take a deep breath and calm down.

All parties contain elements within that the leadership of those parties would rather do without. Additionally, the term "swivel eyed" is nothing new; it was used to describe certain supporters of John Redwood when he stood to challenge John Major in 1995.

Get over yourselves and focus on more important issues!

Labour's Work Experience

How ironic that Labour want to make work experience compulsory, given that many MPs have never had a real job in their lives and have no concept of how the real world (9-5 drudgery and commuting) actually works!

They should do this first themselves, before they impose it on others!

MP's Property Deals - A Little List

Stewie - Little List
It's great being an MP, you get to claim interest relief on your second property and then when you sell it at a profit you get to pay back the capital gain to IPSA (The Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority) at your leisure (apart from Strewart Jackson MP who is being sued by IPSA)!

Here is a list of MP's property transactions.

Johnson In Number 10!

Oops, wrong Johnson!

Advice To Nigel Farage

The next time that you go to a lap dancing club, wear your glasses!

Tax Advice To Politicians

Revenue is not taxable, profits are.

You might want to remember that the next time you publicise attention seeking soundbites about companies not paying "enough" tax on their "revenues"!

Your accountants, that you use for you company accounts and trust funds etc, should have told you that!

Live Tweets About Baroness Thatcher

Advice To Drunken MPs

If you can't handle taxpayer subsidised booze, without ending up in a fracas, maybe you should remove the subsidy and stop lecturing us about our behaviour!

Advice To David Cameron

Don't make policy up on the hoof, lest you come up with a remarkably stupid idea!

Advice To Tory Councillors

Treat every Facebook comment, every Tweet, every electronic message you send in the same way that you treat a microphone; namely as being "live", and that whatever you say/write as being potentially placed in the public arena.

Tory councillor Pete Chapman please take note!

The Job From Hell?

Guido Fawkes' site is doing David Ruffley MP a "solid" by advertising for free a job in Ruffley's office as Research Assistant.

However, before you all rush off and apply, there is a caveat; according to Guido there have been at least 16 previous holders of the position over the last two years.

It sounds like an ideal opportunity for a budding undercover reporter armed with a hidden camera and microphone.

Question For The Liberal Democrats

Question: What's the difference between "specifc" and "non specific" allegatiuons of sexual misconduct?

Answer: There isn't unless you are Nick Clegg trying to "prove" that he hadn't heard about "specific" allegations until last week.

Advice To The Tories

If you intend to fight a by-election, then at least choose a candidate who is not afraid to answer voters' questions.

Question For Cameron

I take it then, given your comments on tax avoidance, that you, your colleagues and your party have no trusts, IHT arrangements, tax avoidance issues etc that are set up/managed by accountants and lawyers in such a way as to minimise various tax bills?

Dorries Plays Entitlement Card

As per Sophie Ridge:

"Nadine Dorries said she "has never claimed a penny I'm not entitled to"

Advice To The Government

When implementing compulsory "back to work" initiatives and schemes make sure that they are legal!

Family Matters

How amusing to see that our "respected" MPs, those who claim to be so supportive of "traditional" family structures and morality, are such assiduous visitors to Out Of Town Affairs (a site that promotes extra marital affairs).

ITV reports that Out Of Town Affairs which connects married men and women for adulterous affairs and which contains explicit photos of wannabe adulterers and allows them to "read and send filthy messages", reportedly received more than 50,000 hits in seven months from computer users at the Houses of Parliament.

Wise Words

Peter Lilley speaking about cannabis use by his colleagues in the House of Commons:

"Many of my friends, colleagues in this place, did – and don’t seem to have recovered..."

Gove Admits To Making Mistake

As per Paul Waugh:

"Gove: "Every minister makes mistakes." 

An honest poltician!

There's a rarity, perhaps we should have him stuffed and put on display?

Cameron Moves The Energy Goalposts

As per Simon Gompertz:

"First Cameron said energy firms would "have to" put us on lowest tariffs, then it was "ensure", now govt will just "help" us get them."

Chris Huhne "I am innocent of the charges"

Huhne Perverted The Course of Justice

A politician who lied, who would have thought that possible?

"Chris Huhne, the former energy secretary, has quit politics and is facing a possible jail sentence after he pleaded guilty to perverting the course of justice by asking his ex-wife to take speeding points for him." 

Still I dare say he will write a book whilst he is in jail, and end up on TV quiz shows as a minor "celebrity" when he comes out.

Advice To David Cameron

Learn the difference between debt and deficit!

Question For George Osborne

Q: When is a budget not a budget?

A: When it is an Autumn Statement

Question For Cameron

Have you never used an accountant/lawyer to help you with your tax affairs?

Question For Anna Soubry

Regarding you views on fat poor people have you never seen Eric Pickles, Nicholas Soames or John Prescott?

One Simply Can't Find Good Servants These Days!

Well done Christopher Chope and the Countess of Mar for demonstrating that "we" are all in it together!

Advice To Nick Clegg

One size doesn't fit all!

Never Mind The Quality, Feel The Width

Cameron and Clegg need to understand that it is not the quantity of policy measures on which people will judge the "success" or otherwise of the coalition, but the quality.

Advice To David Cameron

HMRC stopped being called the "Inland Revenue" when the Inland Revenue and Customs merged many years ago.