Gather ye round my best beloveds, and I shall recount to you another tale from the Chronicles of Banquo.
It was at the time when Albion and its people were ravaged by the great plague, enemies outwith and within Albion plotted to use this period of perceived weakness to their own evil ends.
The Dark Knight Sedwill had long being plotting to thwart the king's and his loyal knight apparent Banquo's plans for reform and revitalisation, the emperors across the water were mighty angry at Albion's plans to leave the empire and did all they could to stop it and the lickspittles in the media (who felt that their time was nigh) were dripping poison into the ears of the people of Albion.
At this point there came the Baizuo, a tribe of self centred marauders (spawned by fake universities created under the reign of His Tonyness) who could not face the reality that their future degrees in gender studies and media studies would avail them nothing more than burger flipping.
The Baizuo, in spite of the risk of the plague, did congregate in large numbers and spent several days marauding in the cities up and down the land of Albion. War memorials were defaced, the Peelers were attacked and a statue of some long dead person whom no one had ever heard of was thrown into the sea.
It should be noted that the Peelers were, at this stage, adopting a low key soft handed approach to the Baizuo mob.
Why?
For you see my best beloveds the Peelers had learned tactics and methods from the time (long ago) of the Blessed Margaret, whose own reign had been disrupted at various stages by mobs. The Peelers knew that a low key, non aggressive approach reduced the risk of total mayhem.
Yet, I regret to say, some Peelers had forgotten the law of the jungle; namely that if you show subservience to a wild animal, it will eat you. Hence, those Peelers that kneeled would soon find it worked against them, and a senior Bristol Peeler who naively ignored the grappling ropes of the Bristol Baizuo would soon find that was a tactical error.
Unsurprisingly the people of Albion were righteous in their anger; they saw the risk of the plague returning, they were disgusted that memorials honouring those who laid down their lives in previous wars were being disrespected by the Baizuo and could not understand the apparent lack of action from the Peelers.
Indeed, the people could not understand why not only the king, but the Donkey Farmer in the pretender's court said and did nothing.
However, the fears of the people of Albion would soon be abated, for you see my best beloveds the king and his most loyal knight apparent Banquo had a plan. The king knew that the Donkey Farmer could say nothing, for to criticise would alienate one part of his court and to praise would alienate the other. However, the king himself was playing a long game and kept his counsel whilst the swamp was built to let all the poisons hatch out.
For you see my best beloveds allow a man a few hours to bask in the sunshine of false hope, and come the night he will have a far better appreciation of the hopelessness of his situation. Thus it was for the Baizuo mob, they were allowed to show their true colours and during the light of day did make merry. However, come the night, the Peelers offered them gallons of tea (brewed from special kettles).
The generosity of the Peelers weighed heavily on the Baizuo, as they languished unable to leave (for want of giving offence) and were happily photographed by the Peelers (for fond memories), indeed their details taken for future social contact and possible holidays to be graciously donated by Her Majesty.
The Baizuo began to lament on the Twitterverse about the their plight, yet to to no avail, for you see the people of Albion had seen them for what they were and had no care to help them.
The day would come when the Baizuo would, as we all do, cease. Yet for them, no memorial for future ingrates to vandalise, they would become nothing; their flesh devoured by vultures, their bones bleached by the sun and their ashes blown by the winds to the four corners of the earth. For all the good that they had done, it would have been better that they had never existed at all.
Yet they did serve one small purpose, for you see my best beloveds, by gathering so closely together they provided data for the scientists as to the remaining virulence of the plague in outside settings. The scientists would use the forthcoming spike in infections to refine their advice to the good people of Albion as to how to gather in outside spaces.
Remember though, the Baizuo were but one small part of the enemies facing Albion. The people of Albion wondered whether the king and his knight apparent were sleeping, as the enemies laid their plans against Albion.
The people needn't have feared, for you see my best beloveds the king and his knight apparent knew what they were doing, and did allow Albion to imitate the sun who doth permit the base contagious clouds to smother up his beauty from the world.
That when he please again to be himself,
Being wanted, he may be more wondered at
By breaking though the foul and ugly mists
Of vapours that did seem to strange him.
If all the year were playing holidays,
To sport would be as tedious as to work;
But when they seldom come, they wished-for come,
And nothing pleaseth but rare accidents.
So, when this loose behavior Albion did throw off
And pay the debt it never promiséd,
By how much better than its word Albion will be,
And like bright metal on a sullen ground
Albion's reformation,
Shall show more goodly and attract more eyes
Then that which hath no foil to set it off.
What would this mean for the Dark Knight Sedwill, the emperors across the water, the Donkey Farmer and the lickspitlles in the media (such as Auntie, once trusted guardian of the truth for the people of Albion)?
That, my best beloveds, is for another day.
However, I will remind you that the movement to Defund Auntie began during the weekend on the Baizuo and it would not be long before Auntie would be changed forever.
