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The PalArse of Westminster

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Exposing the hypocrisy, greed and incompetence of our "respected" elected political "elite".

Wednesday 13 December 2023

Drakeford Steps Down

 Drakeford steps down but, unfortunately for the people of Wales, he will remain in post until a new leader is elected.

Tuesday 12 December 2023

The Star Chamber Hard At Work

 


As William Hague said earlier today, the Tories look like they will never be in office again!

Monday 11 December 2023

Never Say Never

 

Fresh from his stint in the jungle, Nigel Farage teases the Tory Party by suggesting he might team up with Boris.

All very well and interesting, but neither of them are MPs!

Thursday 7 December 2023

You Better Believe - Blocked!

 

Wednesday 6 December 2023

Suella's Non Resignation Speech

 

Tuesday 21 November 2023

Number 10 Unifies Ireland

 

This is another example of Number 10's clusterfuck handling of comms!

Monday 20 November 2023

Tax Cuts Coming

 

Whether they are the right kind of cuts that actually help the economy and appeal to the voters remains to be seen.

Thursday 16 November 2023

Vanity Vote Causes Labour To Self Purge

 

Yesterday's vanity vote on Israel's war against terrorism caused Labour's left wing to self purge itself from the front bench.

Wednesday 15 November 2023

Supreme Court Nixes Rwanda Plan

 


The Supreme Court has nixed the government's Rwanda plan, citing ECHR and various other international obligations that apparently override our own legal system.

Sunak intends to rework the Rwanda agreement and revisit the UK legal framework (whatever that means?). He intends to address the nation this afternoon.

Meanwhile various sections of the Tory party are seething, as such he might find himself ousted before the press conference.

Monday 13 November 2023

Rishi Reshuffle Brings Cameron Back From The Wilderness


 

Sunak reshuffled Braverman out of the Home Office this morning, and replaced her with James Cleverly.

Then, in a surprising move, replaced Cleverly with David Cameron (who is no longer and MP), who will serve from the House of Lords.

The fact that Sunak has been forced to bring in someone who is not an MP, indicates that there is a dire shortage of talent and ability within the ranks of serving Tory MPs.

Wednesday 8 November 2023

Rowley Is Toast


 

Having asked the pro Hamas marchers to stand down and not hold their march during Remembrance weekend, Met Police chief Sir Mark Rowley performed a public volte farce and has said intelligence sources did not justify a ban.

When asked about the protests, Sunak put Rowley in the firing line and said: 

"This is a decision that the Metropolitan Police Commissioner has made and he has said that he can ensure that he safeguards remembrance for the country this weekend as well as keep the public safe.

Now, my job is to hold them accountable for that.

We've asked the police for information on how they will ensure that this happens and I'll be meeting the Metropolitan Police Commissioner later today to discuss these marches."

If the march goes ahead, the main flash points will be at the tube and train stations as pro Hamas supporters try to occupy the stations being used by those who are coming to London to attend Remembrance events.

Rowley will end up banning the march or end up with scenes of disorder over the weekend, either way he is now toast.

Tuesday 7 November 2023

The King's Speech - There Is No Narrative!

 

Monday 6 November 2023

SNP Has Bankrupted Scotland

 


Friday 3 November 2023

Starmer's #PoppyGate


 

According to allies of Starmer, #PoppyGate (in which Starmer removed his poppy in order to film about Islamophobia) was not an intentional act but merely a mistake.

As to whether this is the truth or not, we shall never know.

However, I would point out to those who think that they should remove poppies when trying to cadge votes from Muslims that Muslims fought with honour alongside Christians, Sikhs, Jewish people, atheists and Hindus during both world wars. 

The poppy is as much respecting their sacrifice as everyone else's. 

Only the extremists and trouble makers try to distort that.

Thursday 2 November 2023

Help Keir Find His Poppy

Poor old Keir, up until the minute he filmed this video he was wearing a poppy.

He must have lost it?

Please help him find it again.

Wednesday 1 November 2023

Hamas Strategy Explained By Hamas

 

Tuesday 31 October 2023

Government Throws Rail Bosses Under Replacement Bus

 

Thursday 19 October 2023

Farage Sets His Sights On Tory Leadership

 


I hate to burst a fellow OA's bubble, but before becoming leader he has to be a Tory MP.

Monday 16 October 2023

Bone Recommended For 6 Week Suspension

 

Thursday 12 October 2023

My Condolences To Labour

 

Tuesday 10 October 2023

With Friends Like These...

 


The Labour Party, for reasons best known to itself, decided that an endorsement from Mark Carney (ex Governor of The Bank of England) for Rachel Reeves (ex employee of the Bank of England, and likely future Chancellor) would be a good idea.

Carney was a disastrous Governor, presiding over a period of excessive QE that stoked the fires of inflation and key architect of "Project Fear" that pushed people to vote to leave the EU.

The Bank of England, under the hapless and hopeless Bailey, has continued to fail to bring the tiger of inflation to heel. 

Any association with Carney and the Bank is not a good look for Reeves.

Friday 6 October 2023

Gray Finally Shows Her True Colours

 

The Snivel Service is not fit for purpose!

Wednesday 4 October 2023

HS2 - The Curate's Egg


 

Rishi Sunak is expected to announce, during his speech at the Tory conference today, that HS2 Manchester leg will be cancelled (replaced by non high speed services) but that the Euston terminal will go ahead.

This ends up pleasing no one.

The question though, that needs to be asked, is why has this project been so badly run?

Wednesday 27 September 2023

Alok Sharma To Stand Down


 

Alok Sharma will stand down at the next General Election.

Net Zero will destroy this country!

Monday 25 September 2023

HS2 or Not HS2? - That is The Question!


 

 Unsurprisingly HS2, or rather the Manchester section of it, is under threat; as Sunak and Hunt weigh up the disgraceful cost overruns (£16BN or more) and consider pulling the plug.

Unfortunately for the PM, various ex PMs, an ex chancellor and Heseltine have rallied to the cause of HS2. All of this means that the rumoured announcement this week about pulling the plug may well be delayed, thus leaving it hanging over the party conference like the Sword of Damocles.

Aside from the obvious questions arising from this mess, the one question screaming out that needs to be addressed is this:

Why the hell can't governments build large infrastructure projects on time and on budget?



Wednesday 20 September 2023

Go Woke Go Broke - Ford Admits EVs Are Not Economically Viable

 

In the wake of the leak (which Number 10 needs to investigate) about Rishi's plans to ease off the accelerator pedal on Net Zero bollocks, there have been the all too predictable howls of out rage from the green.

Amongst the blob, Ford issued a very tetchy statement which confirms that the EV industry is not economically viable without taxpayers bailing them out.

 

EVs will go the same way as the economically unviable wind industry.

Monday 18 September 2023

Truss Picks a Fight With The Tory Party

 

Friday 15 September 2023

Starmer is Delusional


 

“Sir Keir Starmer’s plans to seek a new migrants return deal with the EU have been dismissed as “delusional” by European diplomats as a row broke out over how to tackle the small boats crisis.”

Thursday 14 September 2023

Starmer Has Only Got No Balls

 


If Starmer's Ken, then I assume Rayner is Barbie?

 

Wednesday 6 September 2023

Cretins Are Working In The Treasury/Government

 



Taxing inflation is like fucking for virginity, it simply doesn't work!

Hunt and his henchmen need to be fired!

Tuesday 5 September 2023

Arse!

 


As every politician knows, and Sir Humphrey found to his cost many years ago, all microphones and cameras should be treated as live!

Monday 4 September 2023

Starmer is Clearly Terrified of Rayner

I wonder what she has got on him?

Thursday 31 August 2023

Shapps Appointed Defence Secretary


 

Grant Shapps has been appointed Defence Secretary, taking over from Ben Wallace.

Shapps has had six months in Energy, three months in Business and three days as Home Secretary.

Quite the jack of all trades!

Tuesday 29 August 2023

Happy ULEZ Day!

 

Kahn's tax on "non compliant" vehicles is a scam.

Allegedly one person might have died because of traffic pollution. However, since 1987, six people have been killed because of the Notting Hill Carnival.

Will Khan be banning that?

Thursday 17 August 2023

Nadine Dorries MIA

 

Wednesday 16 August 2023

Advice To Burgon

 


 

Turn the book the right way up when you want to read it!

Monday 14 August 2023

The Silence Will Fall When The Question Is Asked - #BargeGate


Whilst various parties try to blame each other for the Bibby Stockholm clusterfuck, the key question that no one has asked is this:

Why were people put on to the barge before the results of the tests were known?

I suggest that someone in the Home Orifice took a gamble that the test would be negative, so that the arrival of the first migrants would fit into "Stop The Boats Week".

Wednesday 9 August 2023

Ban Nadine, Ban Sinn Fein - Simples!

 


Monday 31 July 2023

Black Gold - Hundreds of New Oil/Gas Licences Granted


 

UK Prime Minister Rishi Sunak announced today that the government will grant hundreds of new licenses for oil and gas production in the North Sea. The move is part of a push to increase Britain's energy independence and create dividing lines with the opposition Labour Party.

Sunak said that the new licenses would help to "bolster our energy security" and "deliver more affordable, clean energy to British homes and businesses." He also said that the government would continue to support the development of renewable energy sources, but that oil and gas would remain an important part of the UK's energy mix for the foreseeable future.

The announcement was met with mixed reactions. Environmental groups condemned the move, saying that it would "send a wrecking ball" through the UK's climate commitments. However, the oil and gas industry welcomed the news, saying that it would create jobs and boost the economy.

The decision is likely to be a major issue in the upcoming general election. Labour has pledged to ban new oil and gas drilling, while the Conservatives have said that they will continue to support the industry.

This announcement as the added advantage of pissing off the Just Stop Oil wankers!

Thursday 27 July 2023

Flit Off Nadine!

 


In a scathing letter, Flitwick Town Council has called on Nadine Dorries to resign as their MP, citing "a continuing lack of representation for the people of Mid-Bedfordshire at Westminster."

The letter, which was signed by all 15 members of the council, accuses Dorries of "ignoring the concerns of her constituents" and "failing to deliver on her promises." The council also expressed its "frustration" at Dorries' "increasing focus on her own political career" and her "lack of engagement with local issues."

In recent months, Dorries has been under increasing pressure to resign. In June, she promised to quit "with immediate effect" after being appointed Secretary of State for Digital, Culture, Media and Sport. However, she has since refused to clarify when she plans to step down.

The letter from Flitwick Town Council is the latest in a series of calls for Dorries to resign. In recent weeks, several other local organizations have also expressed their dissatisfaction with her performance as MP.

It remains to be seen whether Dorries will heed the calls to resign.

Friday 21 July 2023

Tories Hold Uxbridge...Just


 

The Tories managed to hold Uxbridge by less than 500 votes last night, thanks to Khan's ludicrous ULEZ policy.

Suffice to say they lost the other two by-elections by very large swings.

Thursday 20 July 2023

By-Election Thursday



 

Three by-elections today when the voters of Selby & Ainsty, Somerton & Frome and Uxbridge & South Ruislip are predicted to give the Tories a drubbing.

Monday 17 July 2023

Starmer Gives Rayner and Others The Finger


 

Labour is planning to keep the “heinous” (Jonathan Ashworth) and “obscene and inhumane” (Angela Rayner) two-child benefit cap, Starmer said on Sunday.

Thursday 13 July 2023

Sunak Approves Public Sector Pay Rises

Rishi Sunak and Cabinet ministers have approved recommendations for public sector pay rise.They will be paid for out of savings in budgets, not borrowing. 

Including: 7% for police, 6% for doctors and 6.5% for teachers.

Johnson Forgets Password


 

Boris Johnson has been unable to give the Covid inquiry WhatsApp messages from his old iPhone because he has forgotten the passcode. This has led to accusations that he is trying to hide something, but Johnson has insisted that he simply can't remember the code.

The story has all the makings of a Ken Follett novel. There's the mysterious passcode, the government's attempts to block the release of the messages, and Johnson's own protestations of innocence. It's a tale of intrigue, suspense, and maybe even a little bit of comedy.

But there's also a serious side to this story. The Covid inquiry is trying to get to the bottom of what happened during the pandemic, and Johnson's messages could be key to understanding the government's decision-making. If he's really forgotten the passcode, then that's unfortunate. But if he's lying, then that's a serious matter.

Rather than take risk of device disabling, security experts are trying to find a way of getting round it His iPhone has a much higher level of security than normal iPhones, which disable after 10+ attempts.

Government security experts trying to establish if they can stop the iPhone erasing itself if passcode is wrong.

Only time will tell what the truth is. But in the meantime, we can all enjoy the mystery of Boris Johnson's iPhone passcode. It's a story that has everything: suspense, intrigue, and maybe even a little bit of comedy.

Tuesday 11 July 2023

A Portent of Doom?

 

Thursday 6 July 2023

Starmer Bites The Hand That Feeds Him

 


Ironically the Labour Party has been the recipient of a significant amount of funding from Dale Vince, the green energy entrepreneur and founder of Ecotricity. Vince has donated over £1.5 million to the party over the past decade, and his donations have come under scrutiny in recent months.

Vince has also donated money to the protest group Just Stop Oil, which has been calling for a ban on new oil and gas extraction in the UK.

 

Wednesday 5 July 2023

The State Religion's 75th


 

For reasons best known to themselves Sunak, Starmer and the "great and the good" of the UK are at Westminster Abbey today in order to give thanks to God for the NHS.

Turning an organ of the state into an untouchable national religion that we must all worship will not benefit the patients, the staff nor the organ itself!

Tuesday 4 July 2023

We Are Not Shit!

 


As per the media, Rishi said his to a colleague:

"‘We love to talk about how shit we are — we are not shit!

Monday 3 July 2023

Blackford Shops The SNP

Friday 30 June 2023

Rishi and Zac Fallout

Thursday 29 June 2023

Court of Appeal Nixes Rishi's Rwanda Plan


 

The Court of Appeal has ruled that the government’s Rwanda plan is unlawful, after campaigners appealed the High Court’s prior ruling back in December. 

The ruling will now almost certainly go to the Supreme Court. 

Meanwhile Germany is considering their own version of a Rwanda plan for migrants.

Wednesday 28 June 2023

CCHQ Jumps The Shark!

 

Tuesday 27 June 2023

Nurses' Strikes Over

 

Monday 26 June 2023

The UK is Fucked - Neither Starmer Nor Sunak Are Up To The Job

 


The UK is fucked. The economy is in the doldrums, inflation is soaring, and people are struggling to make ends meet.

  • NHS: The NHS is facing a crisis. Waiting times for treatment are at an all-time high, and some patients are being forced to wait months for surgery. For example, the number of people waiting for an operation in England has reached a record high of 5.6 million.
  • HMRC: HMRC is a shambles. Customer service is abysmal, and it can take weeks or even months to get a response to a simple enquiry. For example, the number of people waiting for a response to an email from HMRC has reached a record high of 2 million.
  • Trains: The UK's rail network is a disgrace. Trains are overcrowded, delayed, and cancelled on a regular basis. For example, the number of delayed trains in the UK has reached a record high of 100,000 per day.
  • Schools: The UK's education system is in a state of decline. Class sizes are too large, teachers are underpaid, and standards are falling. For example, the average class size in England is now 27 pupils, and the average teacher salary is now £35,000.
  • Housing: The UK's housing market is a disaster. House prices are unaffordable, there is a shortage of social housing, and homelessness is on the rise. For example, the average house price in the UK is now £260,000, and the number of people sleeping rough on any given night is now over 25,000.
  • The number of regular armed forces personnel has decreased by 16% since 2016.
  • The number of in-service armed forces equipment has decreased by 10% since 2016.
  • The UK's defence budget as a proportion of GDP has halved since the 1980s.

The two main political parties, the Conservatives and Labour, are both offering empty promises and no real solutions.

Rishi Sunak is the current Prime Minister and was Chancellor of the Exchequer. He has raised taxes, cut benefits, and presided over a period of economic stagnation.

Keir Starmer is the leader of the Labour Party. He is a lawyer who has never held a senior government position. He is seen as a safe pair of hands, but he is also seen as boring and uninspiring. He has not offered any new ideas for how to fix the UK's problems.

The UK needs a new leader who can unite the country and get things done. Someone who understands the problems facing ordinary people and has the courage to make the tough decisions that are needed. Neither Rishi Sunak nor Keir Starmer is that person.

The UK is at a crossroads. It can either continue down the path of decline or it can choose a new path that leads to prosperity and hope. The next few years will be critical. The UK needs to elect a leader who can give the country a fresh start.

In the meantime, the people of the UK are suffering. They are struggling to pay their bills, feed their families, and keep a roof over their heads. They are tired of being lied to and taken for granted. They deserve better than the non choice between two grey technocrats.

 

Tuesday 20 June 2023

Gove Two Years Too Late!


 

 

 No one in their right mind would fix for 25 years at 6% now.

Monday 19 June 2023

Schroedinger's Vote


 

Certain media organisations, which should know better, are prattling on about MPs voting on today's Boris report that will ban him for 90 days.

To be absolutely clear, it is not guaranteed that there will be a vote.

The proceedings will begin with Commons leader Penny Mordaunt tabling a one-line motion suggesting MPs approve the committee’s report. Labour and the other parties have tacitly agreed not to amend the motion. 

A debate will then take place, and MPs will be asked to say whether they approve the motion by shouting “aye” or “no.” While one or two Boris loyalists such as Bill Cash may shout “no,” Speaker Lindsay Hoyle is unlikely to call a full vote unless more than a small number of MPs follow suit.

In other news, it's Boris's birthday today.

Thursday 15 June 2023

Boris Shoots Himself in The Foot

 


Wednesday 14 June 2023

SNP Says It With Flowers


 

Yesterday SNP MSPs held a meeting to discuss Sturgeon's arrest.

Did the vote to censure her?

No!

Did they suspend her from the party?

No!

They voted to send her flowers!

It would seem that the SNP has its head so far up its own arse it has completely lost touch with reality.

Monday 12 June 2023

Sturgeon Arrested


 

Nicola Sturgeon was arrested yesterday, and held for 7 hours before being released without charge.

She has issued a statement proclaiming her innocence.

Ironically, despite in the past not commenting on "live investigations, she has issued a statement proclaiming her innocence. 

I understand that this statement may in fact be in contempt of court, the same as it would be to comment on someone's guilt.

Tuesday 6 June 2023

Just Stop Oil Jumps The Shark


 

The Just Stop Oil cult has published an open letter to Starmer which demands that he resigns if he wins an election and doesn't stop oil within 6 months and, for good measure, accuses the Tories of genocide.

Even by this cult's very low standards, this is jumping the shark.

I trust and assume that Starmer realises that taking money from these people is a very bad look!

Thursday 1 June 2023

Revenge is a Dish Best Served Cold


 

Boris has snookered the Cabinet Office and Sunak by handing over all his records wrt Covid to the Cabinet Office, and stating that he is quite happy for them to go to the inquiry.

He knows full well that the contents, and precedent of handing them over, will do more damage to Sunak than him.

As the saying goes "revenge is a dish best served cold", in this case Boris is serving a very large and very cold portion of this dish!