The PalArse of Westminster


Exposing the hypocrisy, greed and incompetence of our "respected" elected political "elite".

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold

As per Paul Waugh:
"Tory MP texts me:'Mitchell is like Glenn Close at the end of Fatal Attraction..He's alive and coming after his enemies!'"

Tuesday, 18 December 2012

#Gategate On Channel 4 News

Michael Crick's investigation into the Andrew Mitchell affair is on C4 News tonight.

He promises:
"Lots of revelations and new material throwing new light.."
We shall see!


Channel 4 have given a sneak preview of what will be shown tonight:
"Dispatches and Channel 4 News reveal CCTV footage of the exchange between Andrew Mitchell and police officers that raises questions about the account in police logs leaked to the media."

Queen Leaves Cabinet After 30 Minutes

The Queen managed to endure 30 minutes of today's cabinet meeting, before becoming bored and leaving.

Monday, 17 December 2012

Request To Her Majesty

When you attend tomorrow's Cabinet meeting, as an observer, please could you sack the lot of them?

Saturday, 15 December 2012

Cameron Launches Prohibition For The Poor

It seems that David Cameron wants to ban poor people from drinking, so that the food and drink bills of the middle classes can be reduced by removing the alleged cross subsidy that Cameron believes supermarkets use on cheap booze.

Let's see how that works out in real life then!

Bollinger anyone?

Monday, 3 December 2012

The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge Expecting

Now that the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge are expecting a baby, we can expect "normal" politics to degenerate further into sycophancy and distraction from the real issues facing the country.

Question Re Danny Beaker Alexander

Does anyone really believe that the £77M that Beaker Alexander is puffing himself up over is new money outwith HMRC's budget, or simply being skimmed from other parts of HMRC's existing budget?

Tuesday, 27 November 2012

Dorries Displays "Irony"

It seems that Nadine Dorries has attacked Steve McCabe MP (Lab Selly Oak), for taking time off from Parliamentary duties so that he could recover from a heart operation.

There's "irony" for you!

Monday, 26 November 2012

Tories Raise The White Flag To UKIP

With calls from Michael Fabricant, the Tory vice chairman for campaigning, for a pact with Ukip it seems that the Tories are not only raising the white flag to Ukip but also admitting the defeat of  maintaining a coalition with the Liberal Democrats.

To admit defeat some 3 years before the next election is hardly a winning strategy.

Friday, 23 November 2012

Directgov Website Hacked

Oh dear, it seems that someone has hacked the Directgov website.

Here is a job advert that appears to be fake, that will no doubt be removed very quickly:

Secret Intelligence Service

Target Elimination Specialist

Job description

From time to time the UK government has a need to remove people whose continued existence poses a risk to the effective conduct of public order. So we require particularly skilled professionals who are prepared to work on a non-attributable basis to deal with these problems.

The role will involve international travel to a number of countries where individuals need to be removed.

The ideal candidate will need to have no particular distinguishing features so as to blend in and be able to take on new identities as required. They will need to be resourceful in finding ways to accomplish their missions and, in some cases, to leave foreign countries by non-conventional means. The role would suit candidates with prior military experience, particularly in the use of sniper rifles.

The job holder will receive all necessary equipment, including passports, special watches, jet packs, mini-submarines and a Walther PPK.

This role is particularly appropriate for those who like their martinis shaken and not stirred.

To apply for this role, please express your interest somewhere in the vicinity of the large and rather fake-looking rock in Regent's Park."

Thursday, 22 November 2012

Nad's Out

Nadine Dorries has been evicted from I'm a Celebrity Get Me out of Here, no great loss there.

As she packs her bags it emerged that despite previous claims that she had been given permission to appear on the show by Andrew Mitchell when he was chief whip, it transpires that Dorries was being a tad economical with the truth.

The reality was that she had been given permission to take a month off, but had not told the chief whip that she taking time off to appear on the show.

A politician lying?

Surely not!

Monday, 19 November 2012

Nadine's Missing Whip - Update

Andrew Mitchell's office has, according to The Telegraph, told the Huffington Post that he "was neither asked nor did he agree to Nadine Dorries going off to Australia for a month to take part in I'm a Celebrity...Get Me Out of Here!

Cameron Declares War

Speaking at the CBI Conference David Cameron said that Britain was in the "economic equivalent of war" and pledged that the government would be quicker because "in this global race you are either quick or you're dead".

Question: Is Cameron a wartime leader?

Nadine's Missing Whip

Despite the fact that the Tory party has removed the whip from Nadine Dorries, her daughter claims that Dorries had been given permission to go to the jungle by the party.

Unfortunately the person who allegedly gave her permission to take a month off was the previous chief whip, Andrew Mitchell of #gategate fame!

Saturday, 17 November 2012

David Gauke's Hypocrisy

I see that Gauke, who bemoans the "morals" of others, has decided to keep some of the profits made on his taxpayer funded London flat that he sold in August.

That's the spirit eh David?

The Coalition Is Crap

Based on it performance to date, and taking into account U turns, failed policies and the ongoing omnishambles of bureaucratic cock ups etc I have concluded that the Coalition is utter crap.

I await the day that it can be consigned to the dustbin of history!

Wednesday, 14 November 2012

Nads, Anus and Camel Toes

Nadine Dorries continues her descent from MP to Z list "celebrity"; as she feasted on camel toe, ostrich anus and a variety of other delicacies during another episode of "I'm A Celebrity Get Me out Of Here!".

She claims that her appearance on this show will bring politics to the masses.

I assume that must be the reason, other than the money that it will bring in, that she has signed up with an entertainment management company in the hope of securing further television work.

Monday, 12 November 2012

Advice To Tim Davie

Take some media training before you next appear in front of a camera.

Advice To The BBC

Your headline and article about "Incurious" George's payoff is misleading, you only refer to the £450K salary bung.

You have forgotten to mention the £877K pension pot.

This brings "Incurious" George's total payoff to £1.3M!

Sunday, 11 November 2012

Farewell Incurious George

Farewell then to "Incurious" George Entwistle who resigned as Director General of the BBC last night, after a mere 54 days in the job.

"Incurious" George will be remembered as the only person in the media who, apparently, only became aware of the subject matter of the Newsnight story broadcast on 2nd November after it was broadcast.

Thursday, 8 November 2012

Phillip Schofield's Little List

Phillip Schofield wrong footed David Cameron on today's edition of This Morning when he produced a list of alleged Tory child abusers.

The stunt was theatrical, and the list according to Schofiled was gleaned from the internet (ie based on gossip, innuendo and yet to be substantiated allegations). Unfortunately the Prime Minister was knocked off balance and managed, in an attempt to explain the dangers of a witch hunt, to equate homosexuality to child abuse by fretting over the dangers of this turning a witch hunt into people who are gay.

Advice To Eurocrats

Don't display your delusions in public!

Picture courtesy of Bruno Waterfield.

Wednesday, 7 November 2012

Nadine Dorries Loses Her Whip

Poor old Nadine Dorries has had the Conservative whip withdrawn from her, as a result of her decision to self serve her ego and her bank balance by going to Australia to appear on "I'm a Celebrity Get Out of Here".

However, all is not lost, I dare say that the £40K that she stands to earn for appearing will go some way to assuaging her heartbreak at losing the whip.

Tuesday, 6 November 2012

Question For Nadine Dorries

Are you an MP working for the benefit of your constituents, or a wannabe Z list "celebrity" massaging your ego and filling your bank account?

Friday, 2 November 2012


Newsnight will be interesting tonight, it may well spell the end of the career of a member of the Cabinet.

The name of the minister which the BBC may name is already in the public domain as per an article written by his accuser.

Tuesday, 30 October 2012

The Revolving Door

Jonathan Luff, the Prime Minister's advisor on digital strategy, is leaving Downing Street to become a lobbyist for Wonga the payday lender.

Luff will lead Wonga's "government affairs" team.

The revolving door has been a good friend over the years to politicians and their lackeys.

Sunday, 21 October 2012

Naughty Wee Georgie Porgie

Poor wee Georgie Porgie doesn't seem to be able to grasp the point that you have to pay extra to sit in Fist Class!

Saturday, 20 October 2012

#Gategate Closed Long After The Horse Has Bolted

Andrew Mitchell has finally resigned, far too long (in terms of the damage done to his party) after the "horse" had bolted.

Wednesday, 17 October 2012

Well Done The Duke of Edinburgh!

My thanks to Taxbod for the following Tweet:
"In The Times (£). The Duke of Edinburgh to Jeremy Hunt ..."Who are you?"

Wednesday, 10 October 2012

Advice To President Obama

Outwith Westminster, some advice for President Obama.

Don't antagonise Sesame Street and Big Bird!

Cameron Admits Government Doesn't Have Any Money

David Cameron has quite correctly reminded everyone, during his speech to the party faithful, that the government doesn't have an money of its own; it only has access to taxpayers' money.

Politicians of all parties should learn this mantra for prep!

Wednesday, 3 October 2012

Congratulations To The Department for Transport

My sincere congratulations to the ever "efficient" Department for Transport for cocking up the West Coast rail bid.

Funny that the DfT released news of its abject failure at 1:00am!

Transport Secretary Patrick McLoughlin has put the whole contract out to bid again:
Because of deeply regrettable and completely unacceptable mistakes made by my department in the way it managed the process”. 
To be honest the DfT has done the whole nation a service, and should be congratulated, for it has proven that governments cannot be trusted to manage/run the train network; ie nationalisation quite clearly will not work!

Such a "pity" that it has cost us, the taxpayers, £40M to prove that point!

Monday, 1 October 2012

Hail Balls!

All hail the "next" (errm current) Shadow Chancellor of The Exchequer (courtesy of Paul Waugh):
"Conference chair Harriet Yeo says Balls speech was so good he will be "the next Shadow Chancellor..er, Chancellor."

Thursday, 27 September 2012

The Joy of Gib - Liberal Democrat Hypocrisy

Courtesy of Rowena Mason:
"Anyone else notice that while Lib Dems were busily denouncing tax havens, one prominent stall at their conference.... Gibraltar!"

Wednesday, 26 September 2012

On Yer Bike Thrasher!

It appears that Andrew "Thrasher" Mitchell has ignored the sage advice of Norman Tebbit about using a bicycle to look for work. Instead Thrasher has insisted on a getting a taxpayer funded ministerial car.

All very well maybe if he keeps his job, but given that it looks like he is about to lose it he would be well advised to stick to cycling (except through security gates).

Tuesday, 25 September 2012


As per the Telegraph, the police log detailing Andrew "Thrasher" Mitchell's alleged rant:
"Whilst on duty at *** tonight (Wed 19th Sept) on a 1400-2200 hrs between the hours of 1800-2000 I had to deal with a man claiming to be the chief whip and who I later confirmed to be such and a Mr Andrew MITCHELL.

Mr Mitchell was speaking to PC ******** demanding exit through the main vehicle gate into Whitehall. PC ******** explained to Mr MITCHELL that the policy was for pedal cycles to use the side pedestrian exit. Mr MITCHELL refused, stating he was the chief whip and he always used the main gates.

I explained to Mr MITCHELL that the policy was to use the side pedestrian gates and that I was happy to open those for him, but that no officer present would be opening the main gates as this was the policy we were directed to follow.

Mr MITCHELL refused. Repeatedly reiterating he was the chief whip. My exact explanation to Mr MITCHELL was "I am more than happy to open the side pedestrian gate for you Sir, but it is policy that we are not to allow cycles through the main vehicle entrance".

After several refusals Mr MITCHELL got off his bike and walked to the pedestrian gate with me after I again offered to open that for him.

There were several members of public present as is the norm opposite the pedestrian gate and as we neared it, Mr MITCHELL said: "Best you learn your f------ place...you don’t run this f------ government...You’re f------ plebs." The members of public looked visibly shocked and I was somewhat taken aback by the language used and the view expressed by a senior government official. I can not say if this statement was aimed at me individually, or the officers present or the police service as a whole.

I warned Mr MITCHELL that he should not swear, and if he continued to do so I would have no option but to arrest him under the Public Order Act, saying "Please don’t swear at me Sir. If you continue to I will have no option but to arrest you under the public order act".

Mr MITCHELL was then silent and left saying "you haven’t heard the last of this" as he cycled off.

I forward this to you as all officers were extremely polite to Mr MITCHELL, but such behaviour and verbal expressions could lead to the unfortunate situation of officers being left no option but to exercise their powers.

I write this for your information as Mr Mitchell’s last comments would appear to indicate that he is unhappy with my actions.

I have recorded this fully in my pocket book."

Advice To The BBC

Don't breach royal confidentiality re remarks allegedly made by the Queen in a private conversation.

Tuesday, 18 September 2012


Gloria De Piero MP (Ashfield and Eastwood) has rather bravely/foolishly tweeted:
"What do others thing about crisis of confidence in politics and politicians? Tweet me for my #whydopeoplehateme project."
 Well folks, you heard the lady, get tweeting!

Wednesday, 12 September 2012

Advice To Nick Clegg

Don't call potential voters "bigots", just because you don't agree with their views!

Tuesday, 11 September 2012

TUC Shows Its True Nature

I see the TUC have chosen to take the "moral high ground" at this year's congress in Brighton!

It is quite pathetic that the TUC is still fighting battles that ended over 20 years ago and bizarre that an elderly lady, in fragile health, still scares the hell out of the "brothers"!

Friday, 7 September 2012

Vanity - The State's Opiate

As per the BBC:
"The government looks set to increase the amount it spends on advertising and PR to help it sell NHS changes and other policies to the public.

Next year's marketing budget is £285m, according to Cabinet Office figures.

That is an increase on the £168m spent by the now axed Central Office of Information in its final year."
Despite being stuck in a recession the state deems it more important to waste our money on PR and spin, rather than focus on pulling us out of the recession.

Seemingly "feelings" are more important than "finances".

Vanity is the government's opiate!

Wednesday, 5 September 2012

Beware The GIMP

Paul Waugh has tweeted the following:
"No.10 reveals Govt's answer to no growth: a new "Growth Implementation Committee". 
The sharp eyed amongst you will of course have realised that the acronym for this is "GIMP"!

Tuesday, 4 September 2012

What The Fark Is Jeremy Hunt's Promotion About?

Would someone please explain to me how it is that Jeremy Hunt, who made a fool of himself over the G4S Olympics fiasco and who is mired in the BSkyB controversy, has been appointed as Health Secretary?

What the fark is going on here?

Monday, 3 September 2012

Reshuffling The Deckchairs

Cameron is reshuffling his cabinet, expect lots of "new initiatives" and announcements but no change in course!

Thursday, 30 August 2012

BBC Broke Its Own Rules

The BBC reports that it has broken its own rules wrt paying politicians for appearing on the BBC as representatives of their own party.

It seems that Diane Abbott should not have been paid £5K for her six recent appearances on "This Week".

As per the BBC:
"The Trust has ruled that Labour MP Diane Abbott should not have been paid for recent appearances on flagship political programme This Week.

Ms Abbott, a regular guest with Tory MP Michael Portillo and presenter Andrew Neil, has been paid thousands in appearance fees.

The BBC claimed rules banning payments to MPs representing their parties did not apply as This Week was not a "normal" political show.

But this was rejected by the Trust.

The Trust also ruled the MP's appearances had been "too frequent" since she became a shadow minister.

In January crossbench peer Lord Laird complained that Ms Abbott had received five payments of £839 and one of £869 for appearances on This Week.

The BBC's editorial guidelines state that MPs should not be paid for appearances where they are "speaking as a member of their party or expressing political views"."

Wednesday, 22 August 2012

Saturday, 18 August 2012

Advice To Tory MPs

Don't criticise British workers for being "the worst idlers in the world", when you are on a 47 day summer holiday!

Monday, 13 August 2012

Advice To The House of Lords

If you don't like to eat taxpayer subsidised food then use your own money to buy what you do like; ie the world doesn't owe you a living, pay your own way!.

Thursday, 9 August 2012

Mayor Stubbs For Corby and East Northamptonshire

I believe that I have found the ideal candidate for the upcoming by-election in Corby and East Northamptonshire on November 15.

The question is, can Mayor Stubbs be persuaded to stand?

Monday, 6 August 2012

Boris For Corby and East Northamptonshire?

Well now, will Boris be persuaded to stand for Corby and East Northamptonshire on November 15?

Thursday, 26 July 2012

Tuesday, 24 July 2012

Thursday, 19 July 2012

Cameron's 2020 Vision

Has no one told Cameron that, whilst honesty is a good thing, there also needs to be some vision of a better future and coherent plan of how to get there in order to ensure people stay the course?

This will end in tears!

Tuesday, 17 July 2012

Cabbies Blockade Parliament

As our "respected" elected representatives prepare to head off for their 47 day summer holiday, London cabbies have given them a taste of what the rest of London will have to endure for the next seven weeks (courtesy of the Olympics) by blockading Parliament.

Well done the cabbies!

Photo by Paul Waugh.

Sunday, 15 July 2012

Through The Looking Glass With Jeremy Hunt

In Jeremy Hunt's world, failure is the norm:
"I don't think this is a moment for getting into the blame game. G4S have been quite honourable. It is completely normal that you are going to find some contractors on a project of this size who are not going to be able to deliver."

Friday, 13 July 2012

We're All Going On A Summer Holiday

My best wishes to our "esteemed" and "respected" elected representatives who, despite exhorting the rest of us to work hard, have awarded themselves a 47 day summer holiday starting next Tuesday.

Bon voyage, and for the sake of the country don't hurry back!

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Is Cameron Really a Tory?

Norman Tebbit, in his blog for the Telegraph, has hit the nail squarely on the head wrt David Cameron's defeat over Lords reform last night and the ongoing policy shambles of the coalition government.

Mr Tebbit writes:
"He might have done better to reflect on why he is committed to give priority to a measure which is not only simply irrelevant to the problems facing the country, but is ill-conceived and dangerously destabilising to the constitution.

He is the victim, not of a Tory rebellion but of his own errors."
In short, does Cameron actually like being in the Tory party?